On puns in the summer

IN THE SUMMERTIME:

Thomas Tusser, author of Five Hundred Pointes of Good Animal Husbandrie

It's July, and I’ll be attending this month’s Pacific Northwest Writer’s Conference. Hope to see you there. My friends know me as an inveterate punster. Here are two that are suitable for summer. Enjoy.

pittoon—a bowl for cherry pits. Use a metal bowl--it'll make the loudest noise.

beach flambé—severe sunburn; alternatively, a runaway fire caused by holding marshmallows on a stick too close to your illegal beach fire.

And here’s a third, unsuitable anytime:

cremauthorium—a place for burning books; alternatively, a cream pie delivered at a book-signing event; or an author’s destination after last (w)rites.

Speaking of which, here’s some advice for writers from Thomas Tusser, 16th Century English farmer and poet who brought us the “Swéete April showers doo bring Maie flowers” couplet:

So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt.

Feel free to borrow those lines—the copyright, like Tusser, has expired.